A charming property situated in a secluded residential area in the heart of Chalong, this little gem is ripe for modernisation. It includes a dwarf-sized kitchen, a cavernous, airless, mauseoleum bedroom, a gigantic bed big enough to land a Harrier jump jet, a rustic, cold-water shower and enough dive equipment to kit out a small navy. Perfectly located on a blind bend down an unlit, snake-filled track adjacent to a mosquito infested filthy creek, this charming residence is protected by a pack of psychotic, insomniac dogs who respond only to Valium and violence. Neighbors include an indigenous drunk who regularly and belligerently takes the night air sporting underwear, a golf club and a bottle of Samsong rum. The other resident of note is a myoptic, self-opinionated, fat Antipodean bar owner who embraces bigotry and a bad haircut in equal measure; rather like a genetic throwback between The Muppett's Fozzy Bear and Ulster's Reverend Ian Paisley.
